Bowl and scissors ready to get snippy | Dennis Box

I saw a report on the Web last week about some guy who did a study correlating recessions to lingerie, whatever that is. I think the study should have correlated haircuts to the economy.

I want to do a study looking into the correlation of funny-colored hair in a recession. Does a recession mean more pink hair and, during good times, green?

I see girls with all sorts of colored hair, colors I didn’t even know existed. Even boys have colored hair. Maybe that’s where I went wrong when I was 16. If I colored my hair green I would have gotten a date.

Nobody ever tells me anything.

When I was in grade school I went to a real barber for the first time. For some reason my mother finally retired her bowl and shears. I remember watching the barber in the mirror and thinking some haircut Merlin taught him scissors magic in a back room behind a red curtain. Of course, I was comparing him to my mother and her cow shears.

My dad thought mom’s haircuts were great. He didn’t have a lot of hair to compare it to, unlike me. Maybe that is the secret to a long and happy marriage – it only matters if your wife likes your haircut.

When my daughter, Katy, was very young I decided I could cut her hair just fine. I had watched my mother and thought I could do as well as her, even better, and my scissors were moderately sharp. After my clipper updo I thought Katy looked dandy, but I made the mistake of taking a picture of  her.

Katy saw it a couple of years ago when she was looking at some old pictures from her childhood. Now she is convinced I traumatized her for life.

To make it up to her I have offered to go to her apartment and give her a new scissors updo. I told her I would buy a new bowl and clippers and it would save her a little money.

I have even offered this service to the women in the office. I am surrounded by women here and I told them I would bring in my bowl and clippers for a free haircut day.

Nothing but abuse is what I got.

Apparently the Great Recession must be coming to an end.

Maybe if I buy different-size bowls and learn how to turn hair pink that will lure them.

I’ll talk to Scott Gray. He doesn’t have enough hair that it matters. I can practice on him.

We encourage an open exchange of ideas on this story's topic, but we ask you to follow our guidelines for respecting community standards. Personal attacks, inappropriate language, and off-topic comments may be removed, and comment privileges revoked, per our Terms of Use. Please see our FAQ if you have questions or concerns about using Facebook to comment.

Read the Oct 26
Green Edition

Browse the print edition page by page, including stories and ads.

Browse the archives.

Friends to Follow

View All Updates