News daily acquisitions and bed sheets | Our Corner

Those in the newspaper world are collectively wringing their hands and tearing their hair over the sale of a couple of East Coast dailies, the impact of the Internet, revenue and other garbled gerunds.

Those in the newspaper world are collectively wringing their hands and tearing their hair over the sale of a couple of East Coast dailies, the impact of the Internet, revenue and other garbled gerunds.

In the office a couple of us were reading a release from the CEO of a national online media outlet that used a string of mangled and malignant clauses to describe something; I was never sure what, but I suspect he was laying off a pile of people — of course, in a proud and positive way. He sprinkled in a few references to the happy future, models and commitment, which really means no future, stupid plastic models that don’t fit together and I want more money for my commitment to nothing.

CEOs should try playground rules occasionally. Say what you mean or we take your marbles.

One would think an industry that is supposed to be about communications would occasionally try that —communicate.

Every time someone from the media business predicts the future I get a headache and run for the buttermilk. It’s the only thing that cures me.

However, there are much more important issues than media moguls and their malicious clauses – and chief among those issues are sheets.

Forget newspapers, we need to consider bed sheets.

I was listening to the women who surround me at the office during the Enumclaw Street Fair and they were going on and on about bed sheets. I could not understand what the heck the fuss was about.

They were talking about buying sheets. I never thought anyone ever actually bought sheets for themselves. I figure they came as gifts or when you rented a cheap bed it came with sheets.

Who knew woman really buy sheets and apparently like to buy them. Like it is fun or something.

I have an economic theory. When God created Eve, the sheet business came with the package.

I know of no male type human who would put a sheet on a bed if it were not for a woman. Without women the entire industry would collapse overnight.

Know what would happen then? Sheet CEOs would come out with a bunch of “we are proudly looking forward to a positive future with our bed sheetless model for men who are really pigs.”

I better go find some sheets to proudly put on my bed.


More in Opinion

Supreme Court resets the playing field

The ruling on the Masterpiece Bakery v. Colorado Civil Rights Commission case wasn’t a win for the right or a loss for the left; it’s a chance to do things right the second time around.

Supreme Court ruling shows sanity, moderation

The 14th Amendment equal protection clause does not negate the First Amendment religious freedom clause.

Initiative signatures are the new greenbacks

As of Wednesday, June 6, petitions for four statewide initiatives were getting circulated.

Public record battle brings in a mediator

A taskforce is also being put together, but it’s not clear who will be on it.

One almond latte, if you please | Wally’s World

There was a time in the distant past when a friend and… Continue reading

There a way to blend values, reinvent our society?

A new study finds white people may become more intolerant as America becomes less white.

I wish I could stay in Enumclaw | Guest Columnist

There is a kindness and decency and desire to be a community in Enumclaw.

We live in frightening times

Our country is being torn apart from limb to limb, coast to coast.

Voting habits tied to feelings of security

The dangers of authoritarianism are a far greater threat to the nation than seeing rising racial equality and religious diversity brought about by immigration.

Gun rights advocates won the battle, but may lose the war

NRA leaders will need to decide if it’s worth putting resources into a fight in a Left Coast state versus investing in efforts to keep Republicans in control of Congress to prevent ideas like this initiative from becoming federal law.

Trump not accomplishing as much as supporters think

This is in response to Craig Chilton’s letter claiming Trump’s presidency is not a mistake because of all of his “accomplishments,” 81 signed pieces of legislation.

Protecting against the abuse of power

Concern about the evil potential of humans is woven into our Constitution’s DNA.