Resolving to do resolution lists | Our Corner

Resolutions are for people with goals, a plan and a purpose in life. Like the kid in the front row in third grade who always raised his hand because he knew the answer, and Mrs. Marsupial with her bride of Frankenstein mop would crack a scary smile and all the brats in the back would pretend to gag (not me of course — I never got in trouble).

Resolutions are for people with goals, a plan and a purpose in life. Like the kid in the front row in third grade who always raised his hand because he knew the answer, and Mrs. Marsupial with her bride of Frankenstein mop would crack a scary smile and all the brats in the back would pretend to gag (not me of course I never got in trouble).

Resolutions are for the mature, the type of humanoids who are always on time and know how much money is in their checking accounts, and it’s not because the bank just sent a “you’re going to jail you bum” message. They make to-do lists and do things.

My to-do list plan is to scribble a list with such poor penmanship that an hour later I will have no idea what any of the jobs and goals could possibly be. The only part of a to-do list that is important is making the list and bragging that you did it.

I am sure the little dweeb in the front row, who is now a multigagillionaire with lots of dark socks, makes a New Year’s to-do resolution list at 6:35 a.m. Jan. 1 a legible one.

Every year I make a New Year’s resolution to never make resolutions. R words like resolution, responsibility and reality make me limp.

This year my plan is on New Year’s Day to make our traditional stuffed mushrooms, Swedish meatballs with homemade pasta, three-cheese bread, brown-butter and roasted garlic asparagus and a fudge swirl trifle dessert. I will watch “The Searchers”, a football game, go to sleep for two hours, wake up and it will be March.

That Einstein was good at math.

Since it is going to be 2016, I decided for no logical reason to toss out my resolution to make no resolution and make some resolutions.

Here are a some of my top to-dos or not to dos.

I am going to be less cheery and more mature. No more Mr. Sunshine with intoxicated dancing cows singing, “My Little Buckaroo.”

I am going to be more honest with myself and others about my hair, and their apparent hair. I realize I have been blessed with a fleecy, follicular noggin and I won’t make fun of the apparent hair wanna-be-like-me(s) who spray hirsute reincarnation on their shiny heads.

I can keep this resolution. Here is an example: “Sure that green spray will work. Don’t worry about the burning and skin peeling. Soon you will look just like me.”

When I hear a political leader use the term, “We’re just going to move forward”, I resolve not to become a third grader and fall down on the floor giggling. I promise to take those statements as seriously as I do the sultry voice whispering from the grocery store check-out machine, “Welcome valued customer.”

I resolve to be nicer to Ms. Vegan and I will try to refrain from calling her Ms. Vegan. I will stipulate Ms. Vegan knows the name of two cows, which is material to the matter of a double bacon-cheese burger, despite the overriding fact Ms. Vegan does not know the name of Old McDonald’s piggies, E-I-E-I-Oooo (and Ms. Vegan is the finest humor writer an editor could hope for).

Now for a late breaking special report.

I found some two pocket stripy shirts Sunday, which I am certain is an omen similar to a bucket of rocks falling out of the sky whacking me on the brainpan. Allow me to leak a little secret, I won’t be the only one wearing stripy two pockets in the office. It’s going to be a 2016 Courier-Herald fashion trend. Let’s try to keep a lid on the fad excitement for now.

When New Year’s Day arrives let’s raise our glasses and toast the town with a few guzzles of out-of-date buttermilk. That will lift the fun ball as high as it goes.

Happy New Year to all.

 

More in Opinion

America’s monster

I’m not sure when it happened, but I recently realized I’ve stopped asking myself, “What are we going to do about mass shootings and gun violence in this country?” Instead, I now ask, “When is the carnage going to come to Enumclaw?”

Avoiding loss means more than gaining something else

Some studies have shown that losses are twice as psychologically powerful as gains. American history and our current political situation help reveal a great deal about the American/human psyche.

Congratulations, Jan Molinaro

In every election, one person must win and the other will lose. Now more than ever, it is important to show our children how to be gracious in victory and humble in defeat.

Don’t give into the pressure of driving drowsy

Eleven years ago, a drowsy-driving car wreck left me with injuries that still challenge me today.

Opening our minds can be a beautiful thing

As a leader of my church’s Sunday Adult Forum, I had a goal: to put a human face on Islam for the members of the congregation and community.

The definition of insanity

It is totally clear that the incumbent mayor lacks any ability to bring people together and get things done. She is a failure as mayor, making Black Diamond a laughing stock with her out of control behavior and outbursts at Council meetings.

Baxley and Young should have showed up at public forum

On Tuesday, October 17th, was the Black Diamond Maple Valley Chamber of Commerce Candidates Forum, where the Black Diamond candidates for Mayor and two City Council positions had the opportunity to talk with the citizens of Black Diamond, and to answer questions put to them by these citizens.

Issues to be addressed in Enumclaw elections

Who should I vote for in the Enumclaw City Council and mayoral races?

Enumclaw helped raise $3,500 for Special Olympics

The last couple of weekends the St. Barbara Knights of Columbus have been involved with our annual Tootsie Roll Program.

Court grapples with school funding

When the legal battle on education funding returned to the state Supreme Court Tuesday, the leader of Washington’s public school system was closely monitoring this installment of the McCleary drama from his office down the street.

Baxley is an important choice for Black Diamond mayor

Judy Baxley has been part of our local civics for years, and thank goodness because citizen involvement is critical to monitoring big developers.

Enumclaw chamber board supports Molinaro for mayor

In an election with significant consequences that will largely shape the future of our community, Enumclaw voters have a clear choice for mayor.