His Secret Obsession is a book written by a man—a relationship expert—with women readers in mind. The goal of the author is to provide women tools to attract men on an emotional level and to keep them invested emotionally in order to avoid the drifting away that can occur in long-term relationships.
This His Secret Obsession review is written by a man but in partnership with a woman—his long-time girlfriend—and two other people: a single man and a single woman currently active in the dating scene.
The four of us read the book by James Bauer. We analyzed it and challenged the concepts and opinions contained within, and here, we present you with why we think you should or should not purchase it.
About the Author: James Bauer
James Bauer is a psychologist who specializes in romantic relationships. He began his career as a relationship coach who not only helped men and women find love but strengthen the bonds once they did. He has authored many relationship books and considers this one to be the culmination of his career.
Pivotal Points to Consider Prior to Purchase
The His Secret Obsession e-book is a book about men for women, but it is not exclusively for women. There is a great deal of insight here about the male psyche that I personally benefitted from and believe other men can as well. The women in our review group were impressed by the actionable advice provided, such as how to shape language in order to achieve a desired result with a man. There are three fundamental threads that weave through the book. These are:
The Mind of a Man
Here we have another take on the “men are from Mars” concept but with a focus exclusively on the male psyche. With a better understanding of how the male mind works, you will have greater awareness of what to expect from a man and how to manipulate him through your various behavio
This thread focuses on generating romantic interest in a man. It explores how to generate interest in a man with whom you would like a relationship. It also studies maintaining that interest once a relationship is underway, and the approach is not just some selfish love potion. The author expands on what men need romantically and how women often do not meet these needs due to unawareness.
Enhancing a Relationship
The third core aspect of His Secret Obsession involves enhancing your relationship with your man. Bauer explores how women can make themselves more attractive to their partners using emotional techniques. The book covers behaviors to avoid. It discusses feeding fantasies and building emotional investment, and it details the hero instinct in depth and how to trigger it.
What Is His Secret Obsession?
His Secret Obsession is a relationship book about men for women. But what is His Secret Obsession as a concept? It is a theory on using the evolutionary psychology of a man to achieve desired results. That may sound like manipulation, but the focus here is on giving women real tools to nurture love. The goal is to be irresistible and to know what your man actually needs so that you can meet them. Men often do not know what they need emotionally and often cannot articulate it even when they are aware.
What Is the Hero Instinct and How Do You Trigger It?
Bauer asserts that all adult men have a secret obsession—a powerful biological drive as intense as hunger, thirst and arousal. He coined the term hero instinct to describe this drive. The hero instinct, in a nutshell, is the fundamental need that men have to feel irreplaceable.
One of the most poignant concepts in the book in our opinion is that men are happiest when they are pleasing their partners rather than being pleased by them. Women have to give their men avenues through which this can be achieved, and the hero instinct can be triggered through secret signals. Those signals can be as simple as a 12-word text message, which we will discuss more here in a bit.
What Is Included in His Secret Obsession?
When you download His Secret Obsession, you get the book in both an e-book and audio book format. The book features 17 modules that span two major parts: The Hero Instinct and 12-Word Secret Signal.
Part I—The Hero Instinct
The modules in this section focus on understanding the male mind. Part I essentially lays the foundation for Part II. A great deal of psychology is contained within this section, but fret not; Bauer does an amazing job of explaining these concepts in plain language that anyone can understand.
Part II—The 12-Word Secret Signal
The His Secret Obsession 12-word text refers to the original secret signal that Bauer identified. On his website, Bauer tells the story of Rachel, a client who won her boyfriend back with a simple text: “I’ve realized that I won’t be happy without you in my life.” This part explores why this text was so effective and how you can integrate those fundamentals into your texts, speech and other behaviors.
The His Secret Obsession Techniques
There is a wide array of techniques provided in the book to help you create your own secret signals and trigger the hero instinct. Let us highlight the five strategies that we believe are the most important.
1. The Damsel in Distress Signal
This is one of the edgier concepts in the book because there is a discussion to be had here about whether this feeds into negative aspects of the male ego. Nevertheless, most males have a natural instinct to protect women, and activating this drive can be an effective way to foster initial interest. Bauer also discusses using this signal long term, but we are not sure we agree with him on that front.
2. The Glimpse Phase
One of the more interesting concepts in the book and something we believe can apply to men as well. The focus here is on showing a person what they have to gain from being in a relationship with you. We all probably understand this concept on a subconscious level, but most people do not think about selling themselves in this manner or even have the tools to do it without it seeming like a sales pitch.
3. The Fascination Signal
People often refer to feeling a spark when meeting someone or that the fire went out when a romantic relationship goes south. These are both euphemisms for fascination. Being fascinated by your lover is the key to a vigorous love affair—even one that lasts decades. Bauer discusses what it is that men find fascinating and how a woman can use this knowledge to make herself more compelling.
4. The IOU Signal
A common stereotype about men is that they have selective hearing. If a male partner has a penchant for such behavior, a women can actually use it to her advantage. Bauer discusses swapping out the common “I love you” phrase for these three words instead. The author explains how it catches the attention of the male mind and how you can use it to focus that attention.
5. The Silent Action Signals
The hair flip is arguably the most famous of the silent signals women send to men. Every adult woman is aware of many of these signals, but here, Bauer discuss a number of signals that neither woman on our review team was familiar with and which are intended to trigger the hero instinct.
The Pros of His Secret Obsession
- Instant download
- E-book plus audio book
- 60-day money-back guarantee
- One of the more expansive relationship books
- Features a lot of practical and actionable advice
- Backed by clinical research and written by a psychologist
The Cons of His Secret Obsession
- No hardcover
- Approaches men as a monolith
Price and Refund Policy
His Secret Obsession is only available through the His Secret Obsession official site. Via the site, you can also get a free e-book—The Attraction Triggers—even without a purchase. The purchase price is $47, which is pricey for a book nowadays even if it does include both an e-book and audio book. Some of the marketing displays the sticker price as $197 and that you are getting a 76% discount or a $150 off, but as far as we could tell through our research, the product has only ever been sold for $47.
If you are unsure of the price, the good news is that it comes with a 100% money-back guarantee. You actually have 60 days to claim your refund, which is plenty of time to read the book. If you enjoy the book, then you certainly got your money’s worth, and if you did not, you can contact support via the official His Secret Obsession within 60 days of purchase to request a full refund with no questions asked.
His Secret Obsession has a reputation of being one of the more comprehensive relationships guides on the market, and based on our experience, it certainly lived up to that reputation.
This book is big. There is a lot of information contained within, and the entire team was impressed with how Bauer put the proverbial verbs in his sentences for every concept that he discusses.
The single woman on our team has been putting the strategies to work on the dating scene and is convinced she is seeing results. My girlfriend is being a bit coy. I love her and am fascinated by her as much as ever and have not felt manipulated even when I was aware of what she was doing.
I have to be honest: I don’t think many of these strategies apply to me. Maybe I am an outlier. Maybe not. But therein lies one of the problems with the book. It treats men as a monolith, and I have trouble believing that this is actually the case.
Nevertheless, Bauer has broadened my horizons, and our entire team is happy to have read it!
Frequently Asked Questions
Here are the common questions we came across while conducting this review:
#1. How Does James Bauer Explain the Hero Instinct?
The book first defines the hero instinct as it is a term coined by the author. Through this explanation, you will understand what it is, the usefulness in activating and elevating it and the triggers. Bauer then provides guidelines for both positive and negative triggers. The book features actionable advice that you can add to your speech and other behaviors while dealing with men in order to instill confidence.
#2. How Does the Author Explain Obsession Phrases?
Obsession phrases are not a concept novel to this book. Many of the His Secret Obsession phrases, however, are unique to it. Before presenting the phrases, Bauer explores the concept of obsession phrases—text triggers that create an emotional connection between you and another person. The book does not just provide specific phrases. It instructs you on how to shape your own language and not only just to cause a man to fall in love but to achieve a wide range of desired effects with your partner.
#3. Do the Techniques in His Secret Obsession Work for Everyone?
Yes and no. There is a great deal of valuable insight in the book for women—and men. Everyone who is dating and courting romance can absolutely benefit from being exposed to these concepts. But is this approach guaranteed to work for you? No. You may find that it does not suite who you are as a person. You may also become interested in a man that does not fit the mold that these techniques target.
#4. Is His Secret Obsession Worth the Price?
Even with all the free extras considered, His Secret Obsession is rather pricey for a digital or audio book. If you enjoy the book, however, we do not think you will regret paying the $47. The good news is that there is 100% refund policy for 60 days after purchase in case you do regret buying it.