Maybe the plan is to duck and dodge | Our Corner

I have always been fascinated by words and usage. I can often tell what a speaker or writer doesn’t want me to know by the duck-and-dodge words and usage.

I have always been fascinated by words and usage. I can often tell what a speaker or writer doesn’t want me to know by the duck-and-dodge words and usage.

Journalism is, in theory, centered on clear writing. There is an old adage that journalists should write for eighth-grade readers. The idea is to dumb down the copy because people can’t understand the journalist’s big words.

I think that adage is dumb.

Most folks I know can read copy very well, they just don’t want to be bored or preached to by opinions masquerading as news. (Of course there are many who love opinion journalism as long as it feeds them their opinion. Suppression of the other guys’ dopey ideas is alive and growing.)

What prompted this column was a news article I read about layoffs at a metro newspaper in another state. The writer quoted an executive who said the editorial reductions (that means layoffs) will come from, “non-reader-facing functions.”

Non-reader-facing functions – roll that one through your brain a few times. (Careful, it may kill memory cells. The antidote is to down a tall glass of buttermilk.)

Apparently that is how we be should be talking to eighth graders.

Johnny, please stop acting like a non-reading-pinheaded-little-puke and begin your non-math-very-boring functions.

If there are non-reader-facing functions are there not-non-reader-facing functions? Am I a not-non or a non? Do I want to be a not-non or a non?

If you’re getting laid off are you a not-non or a non?

Maybe this is all some sort of dirty talk that I am too old to understand. Could it be some sort of non-something-something function that happens when you do-something-something and that function then become a not-non?

Or maybe it is secret agent code. It was placed in this news article for another secret agent. If the agent stands on one leg, holds the article upside down and sings the White Album backward the code will be revealed.

There’s nothing like a good mystery. Where is Alfred Hitchcock when we need him?

I wonder if God knows what a not-non is.

I bet he has to ask Mikey.

“Hey, Mikey. What’s a not-non?

“A what?”

“A not-non?”

“I don’t know. Where’s the dictionary?”

“I don’t know. Why can we never find a dictionary when we need it?”

I wonder if non-reader-facing function will show up in the Oxford English dictionary next year.

I suspect the first definition would be clear – to duck-and-dodge and try your best to not say what you mean.

More in Opinion

Polarizing politics works to squash the moderate middle

The definition of identity politics: “Political attitudes or positions that focus on… Continue reading

Enumclaw VFW cites long list of community service

Our post, although one of the smallest in the state, consistently ranks near the top of all state VFW posts in the amount of community service we provide.

A victory they didn’t want means a fight they worked to avoid

De-Escalate Washington needs to restart the machinery of a campaign to pass I-940.

A salute to Silicon Valley

If you want to catch a glimpse of what the future holds for all of us, pay close attention to the hi-tech people in Redmond.

We’re all starting to feel the strain

All our major trading partners are feeling the effects of tariff increases.

Deeply held religious beliefs do good in the world

It is truly disheartening to see the eagerness with which people jump on the bandwagon to Christian bash.

Economy rises and falls, regardless of who’s in the Oval Office

History from the time of Harry Truman teaches us that presidents have very little influence on the economy.

SPLC accurately labels hate organizations and people

The SPLC has received my support for many years and will continue to receive my support for their efforts to defend the civil rights of all persons.

Rumbling and rambling on the way to November

The short columns for the upcoming mid-terms.

Shakespeare and sex jokes, Act II

How exactly did you think he became popular with the masses back in the time of the Plague?

Thank you for, Mount Peak Historical Fire Lookout Association supporters

Keep a lookout for future information during this fundraising phase.

An all-American Rockwell scene

I’m not a farmer — I suspect you already know that — but I live on three acres and, given the price of hay trucked from Yakima, there are farmers in the Krain area willing to cut and bale my field.