The difficulty of facing the consequences of your actions | In Focus

Published 4:00 pm Monday, July 28, 2025

About 30 years ago, I listened to Bill Cosby speak at Green River College.

During his presentation, he mentioned an incident regarding his young son who had done something that didn’t make any sense. Cosby asked him why he had done what he did. The boy’s response was, “I don’t know.”

When I asked my 78-year-old brother why he had acted up so much as a child and a teenager, his response was, “I don’t know.”

One of the last words Jesus uttered before he died on the cross was to pray, “Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing.”

These examples illustrate that we humans often act without ever reflecting on our actions. In other words, people react from force of habit, traumatic experiences, or cultural norms more than by actually examining why they do what they do.

After reflecting on some outburst or behavior you might have regretted afterward, you have a number of options to choose from. You might deflect your feelings of guilt by blaming someone else. It was my mother’s (father’s, brother’s, sister’s) fault.

You might justify your actions because of how you had been mistreated by a person or organization in the past.

Or, more likely, you simply don’t reflect at all about your past actions. It’s an easy way to avoid the consequences of our actions. Unfortunately, with this approach, it’s likely we won’t change our behavior in the future. We repeat bad decisions over and over. That’s likely why there is so much recidivism among criminals who have served their prison terms only to find themselves behind bars again a short time later.

“Every day, we make countless choices, some deliberate, others almost automatic. We wake up and decide what to wear, what to eat, how to respond to an email, or whether to push ourselves at the gym. But beneath these seemingly simple decisions lie powerful, hidden forces shaping our actions in ways we don’t always recognize. Psychology, neuroscience, and social influences all play a role in why we do what we do, often guiding our behavior more than we’d like to admit.

“One of the most influential forces is our subconscious mind. While we believe we are rational beings making conscious decisions, research shows that much of our behavior is driven by unconscious processes. Habits, for example, are deeply ingrained patterns that operate on autopilot. The brain prefers efficiency, so it stores repeated actions in neural pathways, allowing us to perform them with little effort. That’s why we can drive home without actively thinking about each turn or reach for a snack when we’re stressed without realizing why.

“Emotions are another major driver of behavior. Though we like to think we act logically, feelings often dictate our choices before we even process them rationally.

“Fear can hold us back from taking risks, while excitement can make us impulsive. The brain’s limbic system, particularly the amygdala, plays a crucial role in how we react to emotional stimuli. When faced with a perceived threat, whether physical danger or a harsh comment from a coworker, the fight-or-flight response kicks in, influencing our reactions before we have a chance to think them through.

“Social influence is another powerful force. Humans are wired for connection, and our behavior is often shaped by the people around us. From childhood, we absorb norms and expectations from family, culture, and society. The need for belonging can make us conform even when we don’t fully agree with the majority… Experiments show how people often go along with a group’s opinion, even when they know it’s wrong, simply to avoid standing out. The fear of rejection or desire for approval silently shapes much of what we do, from the way we dress to the opinions we express” (mindfulselves.org).

This column has defined maturity on several occasions as “self-awareness, self-control, and humility.” Children, like Bill Cosby’s son, act the way they do because they lack an adult’s perspective and experience. They lack self-awareness.

My brother couldn’t answer my question about his childhood behavior because it might have been too painful to reflect. Better not to reflect than to deal with past pain and guilt.

Jesus showed a great deal of mercy and grace upon those who were murdering him because he understood that humans are not rational. He looked beyond their behavior and saw their potential to think rationally, but only if they reflect on what and why they do it and then act to control themselves.

Admitting we are flawed (being humble) is the third step toward maturity.

Easy to say, hard to do.