Did you know that the idea that L-Tryptophan in turkey makes you fall asleep is a myth? It’s true: though one to 15 grams of the amino acid has been shown to be an effective sleep aid, you would need to eat nearly a pound of turkey meat alone to get the minimum dose. Sound easy? Maybe, but the irony is that L-Tryptophan has only been shown to be effective when taken on an empty stomach.
Post-feast lethargy is actually the result of the effort it takes to digest large amounts of food. After a big meal, blood rushes from other organs to your stomach, tuckering you out.
So when you’re easing into your post-meal Thanksgiving nap tomorrow, don’t thank L-Tryptophan. Thank yourself; you’ve won at eating, friend.
Here’s some other fun tips for your Turkey Day:
• Keep the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade secret from your kids for the first seven years of their life. On the eighth year, wake them up in a panic and tell them New York is being invaded by Snoopy, Virginia O’Hanlon and the ensemble cast of Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark. It’s not traumatizing if Santa saves the day at the end!
• Wishbone wishes are legally binding contracts. So now might be a good time to break bread with your opponent in that pesky civil suit; pre-score his side of the bone and be sure to take a photo of the surprise on his face when you reveal the other guest of honor is a notary public. Classic!
• Some think cranberry sauce is only popular on Thanksgiving. That’s false: cranberry sauce was never popular.
• If a college-bound member of your family brings home a guest, awkward pauses may dominate your conversation. Avoid this faux pas by calling frequent moments of silent prayer. You’d be surprised how long it takes them to say anything!
• If said guest is a vegan, forget the last tip: they’re not meant to be comfortable.
• Wearing paper pilgrim hats to dinner is fun! However, bringing “special” blankets is taking the joke a bridge too far.
• When your kids complain about being segregated to a separate table, tell them it’s an important lesson about U.S./Native American relations. If they ask why you ate all the pumpkin pie, claim Manifest Destiny. Then let them gamble.
• If your host is a Weight Watchers leader, there’s a good chance they hate America. Check for a copy of Das Kapital under their Points Guide.
• Tofurkey can be made more palatable by stuffing it with about five pounds of veal.
• “I’m thankful I’m not saying what I’m thankful for!” is a perfectly mature response to a ’round-the-table-gratitude tradition, and not rude at all. Punctuate with a wet raspberry to earn belly laughs.
• One electric turkey carver provides a meal; two provide after-dinner entertainment. Break out the grown-up eggnog a few weeks early for an at-hand antiseptic/painkiller combo.
• With the majority of people enjoying dinner at home, state Route 410 becomes a perfectly safe and fun place for an afternoon scrimmage.
Letter received as I was typing that last tip:
Dear Mr. Nash,
Very funny. To congratulate you on your Thanksgiving spirit, we’ve bought you a turkey. Please report to the closest Washington State Patrol outpost to claim it.
Sincerely,
The Department of Transportation
P.S. Your pumpkin pie can be found at the Superior Court tomorrow at 3 p.m.
Awesome! Happy Thanksgiving, one and all!
